People – if you cannot afford a decent pair of shoes (and in all honesty, there are no wearable shoes for under $200) then buy sneakers for chrissake. (Jesus, please forgive me for using your name in vain, but well, its an emergency and really, truly serious but I figure you are with me on this even though you did wear sandals. )
And when I say sneakers: I´m not talking about those pseudo sneaker-leather things with knobby rubber soles and velcro latches that make me want to carry around a sledgehammer and smash peoples feet with it. Sound like it hurts? It should.
And if you are susceptible to cheap tricks: I suggest you throw garlic at something, dowse your head in holy water and/or wear a really big cross before reading ads like these:
“Since I found the shoe section on the Macy's web site, I've been addicted, so I had to include them, even though not all of their shoes met my "25 dollar or less" rule.” (I´d like to see the person who made up that rule……..then again, maybe I wouldn´t…….seeing as I´m a pacifist)
“Payless - Super Stylish, Affordable Shoes
Payless has an amazing knack for staying on top of shoe trends…….with the vast majority of the shoes coming in at less than $20 per pair.” (um……..get me some dandylion root tea please and a bean burrito)
$pendless $hoes – um, no. Leave it to the Australians who are so laidback they can’t even be bothered to think of a misleading name.
You Get What You Pay For
I know some have this insatiable desire to impress with sheer numbers, but surely, it’s better to have one really nice pair rather than 49 pair that look like you made them yourself with glitter, glue and recycled milk cartons. And quite frankly I shriek in fright when I hear the sound of hardened plastic heels grating their way down the street.
Think about it, why does a pair of designer shoes cost upward of $400? Maybe because the designer designs rather than steals? And maybe because you have highly paid craftsmen using high-quality materials rather than 10 year old Vietnamese kids putting them together?
Of course, some think going for the second hand option is, well, an option. Like ebay. Me, personally, no. Shoes are something very, very personal, like underwear. I mean, they leave their footprint in your shoes, and besides having a symbolic meaning…….which it does……..their feet will also smell.
I only ever imagine some pasty-pale, repressed, -living-at-home-with-mom-confined-to-a-wheelchair- 41-year-old- comb-over guy buying them. That’s just a sniff away from starting a skin collection.
I have never quite grasped the sharing ones shoes with ones girlfriends. No, never did it, never understood it. And now I know why: because it’s wrong.
(NB: another reason might be that my feet were always bigger than my friends. And out of sheer embarrassment, I played the snob.)
I was sitting on the tube the other day, observing people’s shoes. And man, what a sorry sight that was. Ankle booties seem to be the thing and indeed they are according to all the fashion mags and Sienna Miller. Unfortunately, the average girl seems to take the advice from spiritual readings by Mary Lou Sinfindinlin.
Style is Everything
What’s up with women who insist/persist in choosing pointy shoes? They turn a size 6 foot into a size 11. And make you look like an elf, who has failed to graduate from remedial elf class 10 years in a row.
Kitten heels fall into the same category. They are just wrong. And I don’t care if you are as tiny and petite as Eva Longoria. They should be banned and I find the sight of them more disturbing that a baboons butt.
Shoes have to suit you. A sure indication is are you able to walk in them gracefully, with poise, with confidence, with ease. They have to suit your height, weight, proportions. Skinny heels on a big girl – well, that’s just sad. And I don´t care if your boyfriend thinks they´re sexy. Guys are way too easy to please. We all know that. We dress to impress our competition. Yeah, shock, sniff, gasp – but we all know its true.
If you want to go high on the heels, try this first: if you can’t dance in high heels without falling over – then don’t. Do not struggle with your footwear. Still insist on wearing them? Slip into your heels when you get home instead of your comfy slippers and practice. Yep, practice is the only way. Ask any rookie model.
Here’s a simple rule: You wear them, they don’t wear you.
Designer shoes are awesome. And while I’ve never owned a pair of Jimmy Choos or Manolos (I’m more the Chloe and Marc Jacobs type – they look awesome and I can actually walk in them as well) there is a reason for the price tag, and admittedly, often a bit exorbitant, but all I can say – it’s worth it. Cinderella knew it. And look what it did for her.
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